hey guys

changed my lj to shannenwinfield  its not quite finished yet though, its still the default look and stuff..

just telling you.

-shannen

best day ever.
i love eli so much.
i wish i could spend everyday with him.
everyday like today.

i think my parents might be getting divorced.
my dad sleeps in the office.
my mom in..her bedroom.
my sister got a cell phone..for 'reasons.'
wonder what those reasons might be.

ah i am not worried about it.
i connot do anything about it.
good or bad? i dont know.
obviously if they get divorced
there is a very valid reason.
oh well
life happens.
..and shit too.

...
an observation
just proved my inferences.
tear stained eyes
bloodshot in their pain.
god i love my mom.
she is so strong.
i look up to her so much.

maybe it would be better
if they got divorced.
at least then
muffled sounds of crying
wouldnt come from the bathroom.

'and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.'
-anais nin

lets see how many comments i can get on this one..
i must say 21 i believe is my record.

recent developments:
me and eli..
nick hates me (im guessing from the lack of communication)
i suck at softball..oh wait, thats not a recent development..i always have
hmm..what else..

cant wait for tomorrow.. playing a duet i only have part 1 of for the whole congregation all three services (in church). that should be reeeaall fun..

im glad we won the game last night. whats even better is that i got to hang out with eli all night. made me happy.

well i suppose thats all. not too controversial i dont think.

-shannen

you may forget but

let me tell you
this: some one in
some future time
will think of us.
-sappho

current mood: amused

ah the joys of being on the path of yet another hurricane.

straightened tips
the ends of your life
bud and flower into a new one.
sticky fingers spreading
sticky pollen.

i wonder
oh how i wonder who spread the words that go around.
and around and around.
from person to person.
why is it their business who i love and do not love?
or whether i am still in love with the one that i thought i was not.
it is no ones business but mine.
rumor weed.

recently i have taken a liking to the band caesars which i bought their cd a while back, thinking they would be a good band, but never actually listening to them. i have to say the music sure does grow on you..especially with lines such as..'i wanna smoke crack cuz your never coming back; i wanna shoot speed balls, bang my head against the wall.' now that is qual-i-ty music, if i do say so myself.

'to believe in a child is to believe in the future. through their aspirations they will save the world. with their continued knowledge the turbulent seas of hate and injustice will be calmed. they will champion the causes of life's underdogs, forging a society without class discrimination. they will supply humanity with music and beauty as it has never know. they will endure.' -henry jones.

well, ill be heading out to the phi tonight. see if i feel like debating today..

'cast your eyes on the ocean
cast your soul to the sea
when the dark night seems endless
please remember me.'

-shannen

current mood: calm

i have not updated in a long while. my computer has been down for all of you who didnt know. ahh  lets see. since my last entry, i have had some tragedy and some triumph, the worst being the death of my beloved cat simon. we are not positive of the means in which he died, but we think it was due to a raccoon. damn raccoon.

well, other than that, it has just been the usual..hanging with whit, having dreaded lessons with..ronanda..duh duh DUH!! nah shes awesome, yeah..the occasional fight with my dad, but, you can always use a little screaming i suppose. i just retreat into my world of fantasy and pretend perfection, listen to the music that i love, talking to the people i love, i get by.

i dont know how the rest of my fellow ap euro-ers did on that last test we took, but i sure as hell failed it. i thought i would do okay, knowing the capitals and where most of the countries were, but i guess not. oh well, ya win some ya lose some.

i am greatly looking forward to the first phi delta y meeting tonight (youth in government for all you ignoramuses out there). hopefully this year will be as awesome as last. i cant wait until the trip to tallahassee, although it is not for another 4 or so months. its going to rock.

had a nice conversation on the bus today with jon. i havent talked to him in a long time, and, although our conversation got cut short, for my bus driver finally realized its easier to drop me off, and then go to carilon woods, but anyways, i enjoy talking to him. we share much of the same views on things, and im glad whitney got to know him..thanks whit!

had my first late night convo with nick in a long while last night. i missed talking until 3 o' clock in the morning, and, although we ended at 1, it was still a very nice conversation. i hate how most of my friends, or whats left of them, are against my relationship with nick. seriously, its my business not theirs. i dont see how dating him could ever be 'the biggest mistake of my life' but whatever. im happy and that is all that matters. i just wish whit still liked him because it isnt easy having my best friend dislike my boyfriend. oh well.

well, today is september 1st, 23 more days until my dad turns forty..10 months and 22 days until my 16th birthday. woopie. i like how the year is already going by quickly. so far i like freshman year better, but oh well. now that i say that things will probably slow  down, but oh well. just like last night talking to eli..haha.

well, i think thats my life update for now.

' i wish that i would have spent less time laughing and crying while watching tv and more while watching life.'
-shannen

current mood: and happy about the rain.

ah the joys of lugging branches to the road.
it is a week after the 'wrath of hurricane charley' and we still have mountains of branches. and my sister and i have to do it all.

cant wait until tonight- a4 concert. although i am not too familiar with the band, i love concerts and, it is something to do to get away from this dredful house.

well, just another ordinary day..

unwanted sarcasm traces
the steps of human kind
hiding in the corridors of life.
the sapling of youth falls like rain
in the field full of wildflowers
beautiful wildflowers
the aroma drifting to the heavens.
open the unbrella of paranoia
and shield yourself from falling daggers.
falling words.
words that break the soul and poison it.
poison running freely in your viens.
feels so good until your dead.
then you regret your mistakes
and wish away all the tears you
wasted you time crying.
virgin mary doesnt care anymore.
go crazy young child, for you have
but one life.
you are a child of the universe.
as the eyes watch you prove them wrong.
twisting the sentences to form your life.
pack your suitcase full of dreams
and head for the big city.
the box you'll end up in
is a long way away.
hopefully.
so dont go getting in it now.
the cross above the door
does no good when
you invite the devil in.
light a match to illuminate the skies
as you drift
free as a bird
away from the suffering
all the pain in this world
and on to another.
after all
there is a world inside every snowflake.

work like you dont need the money, love like you've never been hurt.
-shannen

hurricane is suppose to hit in about  -3 minutes, according to some.
yet its not here yet.
cant wait to see the raw fury it brings.
in the final minutes before it strikes, i am sitting here at my computer eating pizza and writing in my lj.
shows you how worried i am.

12:06
rain starts to fall. i must get off the computer, for lightning may strike.

peace

-shannen

current mood: excited

whats up with this?
people freaking out buying out all the water supply at the grocery store.
its rediculous.
even if charlie does hit us bad, we wont be indoors for more than at least 2 days. why go spend all your money on cans and cans of soup and bags of ice, gallons of water and batteries galore.
its pure insanity.
craziness.

whitney and myself had a good time today making our first documentary about the hurricane that is supposedly going to hit.
its nice being able to get to publix and 4 different neighborhoods by myself.
i have to say whitney would make a fine anchorwoman, and i myself am not bad at camera if i do say so myself.
good times.

seems at times things can get a little confusing.
i am happy with nick.
he is someone i can trust and depend on
and i love him. 
although some may not understand it.
at times i dont either.
but its there.
raw and pure.
yet, when i lay in my bed at night,
thoughts come to me not just about nick, but of Jon as well.
i dont understand it.
maybe thats just the way it is.
always having someone in the back of your mind.
its probably just because we have become pretty good friends, and the life i live nowadays was partially changed by some advice he gave me a while back.

its funny to read responses from telling people im dating nick.
so far iv gotten a 'thats cool' and an 'are you serious?'
why would i be kidding?
seriously.
no im just go around telling people im dating someone to see if i can trick them.
come on people.
think before you speak.
please.

well. thats all for tonight.

-shannen

current mood: calm

another dreary summer day
hurricane supposedly heading towards us.
yet, this is what the 3rd time they said a hurricane was to hit,
and we havent gotten one yet.
i am not woried.
yet, i never worry.
i just sit back and watch.
its easier that way.
reminds me of sitting in the back corner of a classroom,
no one behind you, all infront in plain view.
i like it better that way.
that way i can see what is going on behind my back.
i have started talking to caroline white a little.
shes a cool person.
i repect her.
since a talk with danny a long while ago,
i am beginning to see the good in people rather than the bad.
the glass is half full, not half empty.
but then, i guess it really depends on it your pouring or drinking.
it sucks how i have to drop one of two art classes.
i really love mrs. autry's class.
she reminds me of my phsyco aunt gloria--in a good way.

it seems everyone is freaking out about the hurricaine.
my uncle just got back from publix
and people are freaking out.
its not like the world is ending.

things have improved alot lately.
things with nick are perfect, and things have never been better.
i think we have finally found our happy medium, and im hoping nothing gets screwed up.
we talked for hours last night.
talked. cried.
i havent cried on the phone since the end of last school year
eli.
i think his name says it all.
i find it very ironic that mrs. wheeler named her 1st child eli,
even after she told him if her son ever turned out like his she would kill him.
she's a crazy lady.
im glad i had mr. ward.
now there is a good person, mr. ward.
he volunteered for the teaching job,
gave up his time for it.
i cant believe they fired him.
he was my favourite.
but enough about that.

i must go eat now. burgers. yum.

-shannen

current mood: refreshed